Trying to Look at the Bright Side

It's been 9 months...Father's Day was awful!

It wasn't helped that D was out of town.

Mom, brother & I went to the cemetery and placed flowers and an angel on Dad's grave. Glad I drove and had to focus because I was having trouble holding it together. From there my sister-in-law, who was dog-sitting, was able to meet us for lunch. It was really nice to sit around and talk with the family. Mom had me do some running to different stores for her. Mom doesn't drive.

After that I came home and started going through old photo albums. Made a collage for Facebook, posted below. BIG MISTAKE!! Spent the rest of the night crying. Crawled into bed and couldn't sleep...go figure.

Does this ever get any easier?

Here's the collage:

Wow, I Can't Believe I Haven't Blogged All Year!

What a bad, bad blogger I have become. My last post was on New Year's Eve. Well, here's a bit of an update on my life (and somewhat of an excuse as to why I've been MIA):

As you know we lost Dad on September 14, 2014 and I had a rough time with that.

After that work was very busy catching up from a rough start to the semester. Then there were all the first holidays to deal with and I wasn't prepared for how hard they would be. I mean, I knew they would be rough, but they were truly devastating (although I tried to put on a good face for Mom, brother, and the relatives...especially the kids).

The Saturday before Christmas I received a call...the biopsy came back malignant; I had breast cancer. Except for my Mother, D's parents, and our brothers we refused to tell anyone until after the holidays. Mom was a mess, as you can only imagine. I wasn't much better, but I've been through so much medical stuff that my plan was just to beat it an move on.

January and February were full of doctors appointments because when you are a heart patient, with a pacemaker, radiation becomes dangerous. There were so many precautions that needed to be taken: stress tests, ekgs, echocardiograms, etc. etc. My pacemaker was checked daily throughout radiation. Loads of fun.

My oncologist chose a new "targeted" radiation as our best option. So on February 26, I had the lumpectomy; the following Friday I had a procedure to insert a catheter for the radiation to go through. Then, over Spring Break I had radiation treatments 2x a day for 5 days. And it was done. It was the worst Spring Break ever!! During the process, luckily almost at the end, I picked up the stomach flu which made things really nasty.

That was last week. I'm back to normal now with a pile of projects on my desk to be done. I have regular schoolwork; an article; a children's book; 2 presentations; and other research I want to do. One day at a time I try to knock things off the list. The idea is to keep moving forward one day at a time.

So far Mom, brother and I have gotten through their anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and just today...Mom's birthday, as firsts without Dad. It's a painful, but necessary process that we will deal with for the rest of our lives. There is a big hole that Dad used to fill.

My One Word...

As longtime readers know, I gave up on resolution and switched to the "One Word" challenge. Last year my word was Determine/d and I completed a couple of the things I was determined to do:

1. My book was published
2. I received a 1 year teaching contract

However, 2014 really sucked for me. I lost one of my best friends in January and lost my father in September. My health hasn't been terrible, but fluctuated enough that I wouldn't say it was good either.

I am hoping for a much better 2015! My word for this year is Brave (Courage)! I am using Glennon's definition of brave from this post.... Let's see how I do this year.

54 Years...

Today is my parents' 54th wedding anniversary. I feel for my Mom as this is the first "milestone" of many she will have to face this coming year.

I still expect to see him when I go to the apartment. Can still hear his voice when I do something that would've generated a reaction out of him. I cannot get into my new car without hearing him tell me it is a station wagon because he knew that drove me nuts!

Still miss him so much it hurts. I know time will lessen the pain, but I truly hope it doesn't. Not that it would mean I've forgotten him, but only that I want to remember how important he is in my life and to remind me that whatever pain I am going through, Mom's has to be so much worse.

I am taking Mom out with her friends this evening. Mom and Dad were supposed to be on a cruise to celebrate their anniversary. She cancelled the trip when he got sick, but today is going to be tough on her.

I'm having trouble not crying as I sit here and it's not my anniversary. I know I have a guardian angel in him, but I'd rather still have him here with us.

Still Not Real

My father passed away on Sunday morning. I don't think I believe it yet, even though I saw him after it happened. Not dealing well with this. Drove past the old house today; had to pull over because I couldn't breathe. Called their apartment and Mom wasn't home yet; Dad's voice was still on the machine. His funeral is Wednesday...that will be one of the worst days of my life. I am, and always will be, Daddy's Little Girl!

Godspeed Daddy!

Love,
Slick

Knitting the Summer Away

I know my blog has been suffering, but it is tough to type with knitting needles in my hands. I have been busy knitting baby blankets and scarves and other things.

Once the book was finished, after spending years on the dissertation, I decided to give my mind a little break. I only have a picture of one of the blankets I've worked on and  none of the scarves yet. I will post them later, but here is my cousin at her baby shower with the baby blanket:

Working on one more blanket that I need done by the end of August and then I have 5 scarves to finish before school starts again. 

Hope you are all well. 

New Picture on Title & Family Reunion

The weather cooperated this year and someone else gave up their room. I was able to make it to Geneva-on-the-Lake for the family reunion this year!

I love my crazy, fun family!! I took the new header photo from the Firehouse Winery with my younger cousin and her friend.

We had a baby shower for my cousin who is due in October because it was the last time all the girls would be together. We had family from Chicago, Michigan, Pittsburgh, and Camp Hill, PA all in one location. It is always a great time seeing everyone. Miss them all already!

Here's a picture of the entire group on Thursday night....