Goodbye Sweet Soxy, Run Free!

Today was one of the hardest days of my life. We said goodbye to our Soxy. She had been in kidney failure since July, that we know of, and her body finally had enough. She had steak for dinner the last two nights and laid in the sun all day yesterday, almost as if she knew. It was the hardest, yet somehow the easiest, decision I ever had to make. She was suffering, that was obvious today. We will miss her forever and she is a part of me that will never leave. She took a large part of my heart with her, but she is no longer in pain. I will always love you baby girl, my sweetness, our Pupples, our Soxy. You are forever in our hearts!

Word of the Year 2015 Recap & 2016 Word of the Year

As I mentioned in my last post, I gave up resolutions for the "Word of the Year" that my sister-in-law, Sheri, turned me on to. Last year, I had the word BRAVE as my Word of the Year. To that end, I:

• Beat cancer
• Drove to Erie and back (2.5 hours each way) for my job
• Made it through my first surgery without Dad
• Walked my first 5K in honor of Brian "Boz"
• Struggled through my first year without Dad being just a phone call/visit away
• Began, in earnest, my full-time job search...and landed my first full-time, one-year teaching contract 

This year (2016) my word of the year is FAITH. I need to:

• Renew my faith
• Have faith I will find my tenure-track position
• Have faith in the bond of family and friends
• Have faith in myself, my decisions and my relationships
• Have faith I can, and will, get back in shape/stay healthy

Let's see if I can do as good this year as I did last year

New Year's Housekeeping

Hi all (if anyone is still reading):

I am cleaning up around here. This means that I have whittled down those "Other Places to Visit" to active blogs. If I deleted you inadvertently, please either comment or send me a message and I will add you back on. 

Hope everyone's 2016 is off to a great start! 

Kristin

PS: Will post my "Word of the Year" and wrap-up last year shortly...trying to get ready for the new semester. 

14th Anniversary of Terrorist Attacks on US

The minute we forget we make ourselves vulnerable for it to happen again.

THAT DAY
Always remember, never forget the terror, the fear, the loss that you felt that day.
Too many innocent people lost their lives that day.
Heroes were born, and then many perished, that day.
Fear was instilled in the American people that day.
Unity was brought out in America that day.
Our freedom was attacked, but we resolved to fight back that day.
American became stronger in the adversity that day.
People helped strangers that day.
We have been silent for those attacks for fourteen years since that day.
Families have missed loved ones every second since that day.
We need to remember what made us strong that day.
Let us forget our differences and return to the resolve to stand united that we felt THAT DAY.

(Borrowed from Dackel Princess)

September 11, 2001: Basic Facts

Chronology
8:46 AM Plane crashes into the north tower of the World Trade Center.
9:03 AM Plane crashes into the south tower of the World Trade Center.
9:17 AM The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) shuts down all New York City area airports.
9:21 AM The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) halts all flights at U.S. airports. It is the first
time in history that air traffic has been halted nationwide.
9:38 AM Plane crashes into the Pentagon. Evacuation begins immediately.
9:45 AM The White House evacuates.
10:05 AM The south tower of the World Trade Center collapses.
10:10 AM A portion of the Pentagon collapses.
10:10 AM Plane crashes in Somerset County, Pennsylvania.
10:22 AM The State and Justice Departments, as well as the World Bank are evacuated.
10:28 AM The World Trade Center’s north tower collapses.
10:45 AM All federal office buildings in Washington, D.C. are evacuated.
1:44 PM Five warships and two aircraft carriers are ordered to leave the U.S. Naval Station
in Norfolk, Virginia to protect the East Coast.
4:10 PM Building 7 of the World Trade Center collapses.

The Flights
American Airlines Flight 11
From: Boston, Massachusetts (Logan Airport)
To: Los Angeles, California
Lives: 92 people on board
Crashed into North Tower of World Trade Center at 8:46 AM

United Airlines Flight 175
From: Boston, Massachusetts (Logan Airport)
To: Los Angeles, California
Lives: 65 people on board
Crashed into South Tower of World Trade Center at 9:03 AM

American Airlines Flight 77
From: Washington, D.C. (Dulles Airport)
To: Los Angeles, CA
Lives: 64 people on board
Crashed into the Pentagon at 9:38 AM

United Airlines Flight 93
From: Newark, New Jersey
To: San Francisco, California
Lives: 44 people on board
Crashed into rural Pennsylvania (southeast of Pittsburgh)

Victims
Victims came from more than 90 countries around the world.
The following are the number of people who died at each site:

World Trade Center 2,823 (includes airline passengers)
Pentagon 125 (not including plane victims)
Flight 11 - 92 people on board
Flight 175 - 64 people on board
Flight 77 - 64 people on board
Flight 93 - 44 people on board

The initial numbers are indelible: 8:46 a.m. and 9:02 a.m, the times the Towers were hit. Time the burning towers stood: 56 minutes and 102 minutes. Time they took to fall: 12 seconds. From there, they ripple out.

Fact Sheet
U.S. Department of State
Washington, DC
August 15, 2002

Back at It!

So summer is wrapping up around here as I have to prepare for my fall semester. I have a full-time contract with Slippery Rock University and I'm so excited. I will be teaching Public Speaking, and hopefully making it interesting and fun for my students.

I am also working on a couple of projects that are "work-related"...an article with my dissertation director; a presentation for a conference in April; and a book with an artist in England. I am most excited about the book, but must prepare for the semester first.

My neighbor is having a baby in September, so that means another baby blanket is in the works. My mother told her friend I'd make her a ruffle scarf...so that needs to be done. I'm still working on an afghan for D and I...it will let both of us snuggle under one blanket while watching TV. I am also trying my hand at a shadow box for Mom. I have some of Dad's badges and memorabilia from his time in the Air Force and his work in the steel mill and I'm looking for pictures to include. Needless to say, the dreams/nightmares are back as I'm trying to do this...lots of sleepless nights. But, I want to have it finished by the anniversary of his death (9/14) for Mom. My brother originally said he would do it, but it has sat in one of Dad's jewelry boxes and never got started, so I took it to get it done.

I'm also trying to plan a girls' weekend with one of my friends and a 10th anniversary get-away with D for my Christmas break as family concerns kept us from going around our anniversary.

Life is busy, but I need to blog more as it does help me work through some stuff. Miss my readers! Please say "Hi" if you're still out there.

Trying to Look at the Bright Side

It's been 9 months...Father's Day was awful!

It wasn't helped that D was out of town.

Mom, brother & I went to the cemetery and placed flowers and an angel on Dad's grave. Glad I drove and had to focus because I was having trouble holding it together. From there my sister-in-law, who was dog-sitting, was able to meet us for lunch. It was really nice to sit around and talk with the family. Mom had me do some running to different stores for her. Mom doesn't drive.

After that I came home and started going through old photo albums. Made a collage for Facebook, posted below. BIG MISTAKE!! Spent the rest of the night crying. Crawled into bed and couldn't sleep...go figure.

Does this ever get any easier?

Here's the collage:

Wow, I Can't Believe I Haven't Blogged All Year!

What a bad, bad blogger I have become. My last post was on New Year's Eve. Well, here's a bit of an update on my life (and somewhat of an excuse as to why I've been MIA):

As you know we lost Dad on September 14, 2014 and I had a rough time with that.

After that work was very busy catching up from a rough start to the semester. Then there were all the first holidays to deal with and I wasn't prepared for how hard they would be. I mean, I knew they would be rough, but they were truly devastating (although I tried to put on a good face for Mom, brother, and the relatives...especially the kids).

The Saturday before Christmas I received a call...the biopsy came back malignant; I had breast cancer. Except for my Mother, D's parents, and our brothers we refused to tell anyone until after the holidays. Mom was a mess, as you can only imagine. I wasn't much better, but I've been through so much medical stuff that my plan was just to beat it an move on.

January and February were full of doctors appointments because when you are a heart patient, with a pacemaker, radiation becomes dangerous. There were so many precautions that needed to be taken: stress tests, ekgs, echocardiograms, etc. etc. My pacemaker was checked daily throughout radiation. Loads of fun.

My oncologist chose a new "targeted" radiation as our best option. So on February 26, I had the lumpectomy; the following Friday I had a procedure to insert a catheter for the radiation to go through. Then, over Spring Break I had radiation treatments 2x a day for 5 days. And it was done. It was the worst Spring Break ever!! During the process, luckily almost at the end, I picked up the stomach flu which made things really nasty.

That was last week. I'm back to normal now with a pile of projects on my desk to be done. I have regular schoolwork; an article; a children's book; 2 presentations; and other research I want to do. One day at a time I try to knock things off the list. The idea is to keep moving forward one day at a time.

So far Mom, brother and I have gotten through their anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and just today...Mom's birthday, as firsts without Dad. It's a painful, but necessary process that we will deal with for the rest of our lives. There is a big hole that Dad used to fill.

My One Word...

As longtime readers know, I gave up on resolution and switched to the "One Word" challenge. Last year my word was Determine/d and I completed a couple of the things I was determined to do:

1. My book was published
2. I received a 1 year teaching contract

However, 2014 really sucked for me. I lost one of my best friends in January and lost my father in September. My health hasn't been terrible, but fluctuated enough that I wouldn't say it was good either.

I am hoping for a much better 2015! My word for this year is Brave (Courage)! I am using Glennon's definition of brave from this post.... Let's see how I do this year.

54 Years...

Today is my parents' 54th wedding anniversary. I feel for my Mom as this is the first "milestone" of many she will have to face this coming year.

I still expect to see him when I go to the apartment. Can still hear his voice when I do something that would've generated a reaction out of him. I cannot get into my new car without hearing him tell me it is a station wagon because he knew that drove me nuts!

Still miss him so much it hurts. I know time will lessen the pain, but I truly hope it doesn't. Not that it would mean I've forgotten him, but only that I want to remember how important he is in my life and to remind me that whatever pain I am going through, Mom's has to be so much worse.

I am taking Mom out with her friends this evening. Mom and Dad were supposed to be on a cruise to celebrate their anniversary. She cancelled the trip when he got sick, but today is going to be tough on her.

I'm having trouble not crying as I sit here and it's not my anniversary. I know I have a guardian angel in him, but I'd rather still have him here with us.

Still Not Real

My father passed away on Sunday morning. I don't think I believe it yet, even though I saw him after it happened. Not dealing well with this. Drove past the old house today; had to pull over because I couldn't breathe. Called their apartment and Mom wasn't home yet; Dad's voice was still on the machine. His funeral is Wednesday...that will be one of the worst days of my life. I am, and always will be, Daddy's Little Girl!

Godspeed Daddy!

Love,
Slick

Knitting the Summer Away

I know my blog has been suffering, but it is tough to type with knitting needles in my hands. I have been busy knitting baby blankets and scarves and other things.

Once the book was finished, after spending years on the dissertation, I decided to give my mind a little break. I only have a picture of one of the blankets I've worked on and  none of the scarves yet. I will post them later, but here is my cousin at her baby shower with the baby blanket:

Working on one more blanket that I need done by the end of August and then I have 5 scarves to finish before school starts again. 

Hope you are all well. 

New Picture on Title & Family Reunion

The weather cooperated this year and someone else gave up their room. I was able to make it to Geneva-on-the-Lake for the family reunion this year!

I love my crazy, fun family!! I took the new header photo from the Firehouse Winery with my younger cousin and her friend.

We had a baby shower for my cousin who is due in October because it was the last time all the girls would be together. We had family from Chicago, Michigan, Pittsburgh, and Camp Hill, PA all in one location. It is always a great time seeing everyone. Miss them all already!

Here's a picture of the entire group on Thursday night....

I'm on Amazon!!!

Blogging: How Our Private Thoughts Went Public is available on Amazon!

It's Here!!!

Blogging: How Our Private Thoughts Went Public advance copies have arrived!! It's Here!!! Soxy is already checking it out!!!

Grades are Submitted!!! Summer Officially Starts Now!!

I am done with grading my final projects and all grades have been submitted! I am officially done with my Spring semester and on "vacation" until August!! Time to ramp up the job search for something full-time; clean the house well; finish some projects I wanted to get done; and spend some much needed time with D and Soxy! Soxy is lying behind my desk chair as I type sighing because we are both on computers working and no one is paying her any mind. Poor puppy! She will get more attention now that the book is done and the semester is over. I plan on doing some reading and writing this summer, but mostly this summer is about the job hunt!

Life In and Out of Hospitals--My Messy Beautiful

My Messy, Beautiful, Amazing Life

This essay and I are part of the Messy, Beautiful Warrior Project — To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE! And to learn about the New York Times Bestselling Memoir Carry On Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life, just released in paperback, CLICK HERE!

As many continuing readers may know, my story is a long one...but I am taking part in the Messy, Beautiful project at Momastery and the best story I have to tell is mine.

I'll begin, at the beginning. I was born blue, three months early and my mother honestly believed that her labor pains were kidney stones because I wasn't due yet. Luckily the doctor convinced her to go to the hospital because by the time she got there I was already crowning. My mother went through natural childbirth to wake up after I had been transported to the nearby Children's Hospital. My esophagus wasn't formed and I had a birth defect of the heart, tetralogy of fallot, which is basically a hole in my heart. My first surgery was at 2 days old, to repair the esophagus. At two years old I went into cardiac arrest in my backyard. My mother found me. My mother is a WARRIOR! I had my first open heart surgery at 2 years old and my second at 7.

My parents tried to let me live a normal life. I played with the other girls in the neighborhood, but mostly spent my time with the boys playing street football and basketball, climbing trees and skinning my knees. I really don't know how my mother lived through the many mini-heart attacks I must've caused her.

At 17 I left for college, only an hour or so away. Got engaged my senior year; called off the wedding three months before it was supposed to happen. Found a job in Wheeling WV as a radio salesperson. Moved away from home with a 1976 Mustang II that barely ran. Scared the daylights out of my parents many times. While in Wheeling, I got engaged again. This time the wedding happened.

On our honeymoon, I had heatstroke. This required me to have a pacemaker inserted on December 13, 1996, a Friday.... I was 26 years old. That night, the heart monitor malfunctioned and I woke up to the machine flatlining.... I asked the nurse if I was dead, and she proved I wasn't by pinching my big toe. I went home with my "new" husband promising to take care of me. He left two hours later to go to a family party.

Seven months later I found out he was cheating on me. Came to my senses and realized he was emotionally and mentally abusing me also by telling me that I was a "freak" and "no one else would ever love" me so I might as well stay with him anyway. Nine months into our marriage we filed for divorce. I got the annulment through the Catholic church and moved back in with my parents.

I started working at my dream job in advertising. I stayed there for three years until my cardiologist made it known that the job was too stressful for my medical conditions. I left the only job I ever loved on the day our team found out we exceeded our goal for the year. I cried!

By this time I owned my own home. My bad taste in men continued. Dating one "stray" after another, as a friend's mother referred to my dates. Drunks, recovering drug addicts...I could "save" them, I thought. Finally, after way too long, I decided to "save" myself first.

I took trips with my friends. One friend and I went to Paris. I told her, but no one else, that I was having some dizzy spells, but I wasn't concerned much. Shortly after returning from Paris, I had to have brain surgery to have a cyst removed. A year after that, I had to have reconstructive surgery on my ankle, because I stepped off of a curb the wrong way.

After the surgeries, where did this leave me? I had a Master's degree,  had a job I didn't like, and I was lonely. I found a new job, actually, it found me, and I started traveling the country and being recognized for doing what I loved. I met a guy, a good one this time, and we started dating.

Fast forward to today...that good guy, D, my husband and I are coming up on our 9th anniversary. He encouraged me to go back to school and get my PhD right after we got married. I completed my degree last March (the picture above is my "hooding" ceremony in May 2013) and find a job teaching. I am still looking for that elusive tenure-track position, but my book on blogging is set to be released in June. I was honored to be able to interview Sister and include Monkee See--Monkee Do and Momastery in my book.

The doctor's told my mother if I survived the night I was born I would be a vegetable. I think I have surpassed that...and I know my mother, My Warrior, has been there the entire time, cheering me on, drying my tears, and loving me...even if she doesn't understand my drive or passion, which I get from both of my parents.

Anything is possible if you set your mind to it...to quote Glennon; "Carry on Warrior(s)"!!

In-Press!

This title means that my book has been edited, proofread, and typeset. I have chosen the cover style and image. My book will be out in June!!! I have contacted some of you as a survey I conducted several years ago through this site, had some entries used in the book. My title, with revisions, was approved.

Coming in June....

Blogging: How Our Private Thoughts Went Public

Author: Kristin Roeschenthaler Wolfe, PhD

Can you tell I'm excited!?!?!

Determined to Submit...And I Did

My book manuscript officially went to the publisher today!!! Now I have to rethink the name, as they didn't approve my "working title"...but otherwise it's one step closer to being published!!!

SPRING BREAK!!! WOOHOO!!!

Yes, one of the perks of teaching at a university is that when the kids are off for break, so are you!

I am going in tomorrow to help judge a forensics tournament, but I volunteered for that. I love watching these jr. high and high school kids really give it there all in the speeches they give.

The rest of the week will be spent finishing the edits to my book, God willing, and cleaning out closets and, hopefully, refinishing a side table that was my grandfather's to turn it into a night table for our 2nd spare room/my office/my niece's room when she visits.

We are currently redecorating and once the table is finished and final pictures are hung, I will post pictures of the room that was once an over-crowded mess with a queen bed and a $40 small dresser from Kmart. Now it has a Twin XL Amish-made storage bed, my desk, my pretty file box, a bin for necessary book storage, and this side table. I am going out on a limb with the table and taking it from its original green and painting it the 2014 "Color of the Year". Since the room is painted lavender, I think it will work well. We shall see.

Sorry for the lack of updates, I keep saying I'm going to get better, but...

New Year's Resolution Shot to Hell

Do you all remember my New Year's Resolution? That I wasn't going to have any Emergency Room visits this year....well, I blew that away on Monday. The young girl behind me was digging for something in her purse and rear-ended my car and pushed me into a Dodge Ram with a trailer hitch. The car has a ton of damage, but is being repaired. My neck and shoulder took the brunt of the force from the hit and I ended up in the ER getting my neck checked out.

Diagnosis: Cervical sprain

Resolution: shot to hell!